So you want to be in a boy band? Don’t we all? Well this time yesterday, I was living that dream. I’ve been in bands before but its hard work, lugging equipment around, playing to empty pubs and dealing with a mentally unstable drummer. Wouldn’t it be so much easier if you didn’t even have to sing? Just mime and let the girls come flocking? Just be paid to look good?
Well some of this came true me for me in deepest darkest Hove yesterday. Gorgeous George and I were filming for our new comedy show, ‘7th funniest show in the fringe,’ (tickets on sale now www.brightonfestivalfringe.org.uk, shameless plug over) and part of the show, will be the launch of our new boy band, ‘Girl Krush.’ Yesterday was the shoot for our first promo video, for the launch of our debut album, ‘I really, really need you.’
Eat this Westlife.'
Now, I’m never one to blow my own trumpet (I know someone who can do that, he plays in a jazz band) but George and I are really good looking; stunning in fact, under studio lights. Add to that, vocals so auto-tuned, they make Cheryl Cole sound like Lemmy, then we pretty much have our own boy band going within a day. It’s pretty easy really.
So do you fancy forming a boy band? Here’s your checklist;
1) Look good. Shave daily (girls included) and wear cologne/perfume.
2) Wear white.
3) Be aware not to have too much talent. If you have, then maybe you need to consider forming a proper band, like Coldplay did once.
4) Pout in front of the camera. Think about cheap, dirty sex.
5) Come up with a shit name that the kids will go for.
6) Be prepared to break up after a month..
7) That’s about it, really.
So there you have it. Inside secrets to forming your own boy/girl band from a 41 year old man, living the dream.
But remember, when I say boy band, think more Blue than Beatles.