So it all kicked off this week between Skegness and Brighton this week. And who was spearheading the fight back? Who was leading the good people of Brighton (and Hove) to the brink of civil war? Who was ‘representing?’ Yes, my good people, it was me, born and bred in New Zealand but an adopted son of the finest City in the World. This week, on behalf of my devoted and loyal listeners, I decided to go to war with Skegness.
In case you missed it, Skegness decided to pick a fight on Brighton this week; launching a poster campaign encouraging people AWAY from Brighton TO Skegness. They did this by depicting us as ‘Ugly and graffiti ridden.’ (Shit, have they seen London Road?). Let’s remember, this came from the Supermodel of Seaside towns; the lovely Skegness. Set on the beautiful coastal edge of the North Sea. I’ve been to Skegness. It’s a shit hole. I grew up in that area and so was bought up believing it was the England’s only seaside town.
Having lived and loved in Brighton for thirteen years now, it was time to fight back. And so, this week, ‘Skeggate’ was born.
Bastards.
My first step was to call the local council in Skegness and put in a formal complaint. I did this on my radio show (obviously). What I got was a grovelling apology to ‘everyone in Brighton and Hove’ from the Head of Communications. During the conversation, I decided to liven things up a little by saying that I was friends with Chris Eubank and that he was on his way with ‘some big burly men.’ You could hear the Skegness PR man, physically release his bowels, live on the radio, at this point. I ran with it and said it was too late for an apology and that ‘Eubank was on his way.’ 1-0 to Brighton.
We left it at that. The next day, our beloved local newspaper, The Argus, clearly hearing the story second hand, ran with a story saying Chris Eubank was planning to ‘take Skegness on,’ with no mention of the radio show and my ‘prank.’
This was radio gold for me. I followed this up the next day by calling back the Skegness man and inviting him down to Brighton for the day, with a personal tour from yours truly, to which he gratefully accepted. He returned the offer for me to visit Skeggy, from which I replied, ‘no thanks, I’m busy for the next two years.’ Again this was all played out on my radio show. 2-0 to Brighton.
Next up was the Argus. Again, I called them up on the show. I asked them where they got the Eubank story. They said, ‘he was interviewed on a radio show.’ I said, ‘no, he wasn’t,’ which was the catalyst for much grovelling and apologising from the Argus. 3-0 to me?
I thought it was over but then I wake up this morning to find another story from the Argus saying that I did a ‘good Chris Eubank impression’ on the show. Hardly but I believe that’s a resounding 4-0 victory.
And so, Skeggate rumbles on. So what next? I’ve got to get Eubank in, haven’t I? Get him to call the tourist board in Skeggness. It seems the next obvious step. Watch this space, we could be at war by the time you read this.
I bloody love my job.